Reading American Sex Educator Emily Nagoski’s COME TOGETHER: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, which dives into centering pleasure over desire, encouraged me to think about the conditions for my sexual pleasure. For me, this includes, but is not limited to: being pain-free; being able to move freely; feeling in my body; feeling safe–emotionally and physically. This deep dive was indulgent and essential to understanding my wants and needs, and it prompted me to expand this thinking to my entire life’s pleasures, big and small, and not necessarily pertaining to sex. The long list of pleasures that came to me was exciting and in many ways radical. Pleasure has not always been an easy concept for me. I don’t think it is for many. Pleasure is not openly discussed or encouraged. Slut-shaming and fatphobia taught me that society frowns upon women, specifically large and marginalized women, embracing and celebrating pleasure. For a long time, I experienced pleasure as a ‘dirty word’ that at best, was left out of polite conversation, and at worst–illegal to mention in a classroom. Yet, pleasure encapsulates the joys of life, such as being on one’s own, as well as being in community and physical contact with others. I believe pleasure is the mindful recognition of all of the delights of nature, art, ourselves, and others, and that it holds important information about our identities. The following are many, but definitely not all, of the things that I am privileged to experience and find pleasurable. In many ways, the act of making the list was pleasurable in and of itself.
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The sun on my body…especially on parts that rarely feel it.
Laughing to aching from a joke that was created in conversation—that probably no one outside of that conversation would get.
Breaking into a body of water.
Gliding through water.
The first sip of coffee in the morning.
Writing in a peaceful, quiet place.
A tight hug from a person I love—at a time when either of us needs it.
Eating the tip of a rainbow sprinkle-dipped vanilla soft serve cone.
Watermelon pop-rocks on my tongue.
Ocean water licking my toes.
Being tickled.
Getting a back scratch.
Someone playing with my hair.
A neck massage.
Encountering a new artwork that blows my mind.
Digging my fingers into the thick fur of a cat or dog.
Biting into a peach and having my nose tickled by the fuzzy skin, feeling the juice drip down my chin, and tasting the sweet nectar.-A three-part delight!
Picking a sun-ripened cherry tomato off the vine, popping it in my mouth and experiencing it explode with warm, sweet liquid.
Being told by my 5 year-old nephew that I am hilarious.
Being told by my 4 year-old niece that I smell delicious, as she nuzzles my arm, and paints me with ice cream from around her mouth.
Laying down on a clean, warm, pile of laundry fresh from the dryer before folding it.
The cool flip side of my pillow on a hot night.
A cool breeze on my body.
A wink that tells me everything.
Being on a deck of a boat, any size, and feeling the wind and mist on my face.
A hand at the small of my back.
A pinch of my earlobe.
A whisper in my ear.
Warm, fresh bread with heaps of salted butter.
The sound and feel of walking in corduroy pants.
A lick from a cat.
The feeling of shards of ice hitting my tongue from the first sip of an expertly made cocktail.
A frozen mug with Coke, lime, and ice.
Laying down in my bed for the first time after being away.
Reading in bed with coffee someone else made.
Riding downhill on a bike.
A luxurious meal for no special occasion.
Skinny dipping.
The whiff of Autumn air.
The first flakes of snow of the season.
The color green, in every variety.
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